My Thoughts.

Hi my dearest blog friend! Its me again, I'm back~ this time I'll talk about whats on my mind and about how I feel this time, so enjoy!~

So, its the second half of 2017 already? Wow time flies really fast... and the moment when I wrote here, my age is now 21. Yup I'm a year older now. So many thoughts coming up through my mind...

I've been through a lot of moment that makes my heart hurt, my body aching, and thats make me think about suicide once. But thank God now I'm feeling better.

2017 is not as good as I thought, its a though year for me. So many things hurt my feelings, the saddest thing is what I wrote about my friends on my last blog, its not as good as last year, my friendship with one of them is not as good as before, and I think its all my fault lol.

Do you know how it feels to make people happy? To prove to people that you actually not a useless person? I always wanted to be that kind of person and I tried to be that person. Even lots of people say thank you to me cause I help them, why cant I find my happiness? Why helping people still make me feel like I'm a useless person. When people say thank you it feels like its the end of the story, they dont need me anymore, and I hate it when something comes to an end.

I don't know what happen to me. Even I surrounded by nice people I still feel lonely, its not like I need a boyfriend so I wont feel lonely anymore (so many people told me this) but what happen with my mental health? Why am I feeling like this? Am I sick? What happen to me? Telling my story to my closest friend doesn't change anything. I need help... please... somebody help me to get rid off this feeling... this feeling makes me want to disappear...


Help me,
H.